Just getting things off my chest

I've had nearly a month in Hawaii now. That's a month of space in a place where there's surprisingly little to do. (Actually, there are quite a few things to do but many of them cost a small fortune - and frankly, the food prices are crippling my budget without any assistance from Fun Stuff.)

It means I've had a chance to do even more thinking than usual - possibly a dangerous thing - and catch up with a few people I hadn't been in touch with for a while (albeit while accommodating irritating time zones). And through it all, I've come up with a bunch of random comments that I wanted to throw out to the world in general. Apply it to your own life or not as you see fit, they're not directed at specific individuals. Note: I'll refer to 'guys' and 'girls' in a particular way because hell, I'm a straight female. I can't be bothered to do the PC thing and write every variation on a theme. Just stick in the gender that applies to your situation.

- if you don't have the possibility of being around a dog and interacting with it for significant portions of Every Single Day, don't own one. It's a simple rule. You might be able to stick a kid in front of an XBox for an entire afternoon, but not a dog.

- if you choose to stick your kid in front of an XBox for an entire afternoon, don't be surprised when I'm not nuts about your parenting skills. As a non-parent, I'm apparently not entitled to have any opinions on parenting because 'you haven't been there, man'. By that token, unless you have a PhD on the subject you're talking about, shut up because you clearly don't know enough about it to warrant an opinion.

- if your child is a nice person, I'll probably like them. If they aren't - if they're manipulative or rude or unkind or just plain boring - I probably won't. I think it's criminal when parents bring up their kids to NOT be nice people. That's your job. Not the job of teachers, yours. In my mind, a child is a person: I'm allowed to choose whether or not I like people. Why is this so gosh darn horrendous when I extend the same 'limitation' to a child?

- if you think you've been abandoned, maybe you abandoned them. Maybe they think they were available one too many times, maybe generous one too many times. Maybe they feel used and fed up and frustrated, and just tired of the fact you never, ever ask how they're doing.

- if your guy is making you unhappy, leave. No 'ifs and buts', just leave. You should never, ever have to ask someone to change for you; they should want to make the changes anyway because you are important enough to them. No amount of the second part of this statement, 'I won't change - but oh my goodness, you are beautiful and wonderful and make my life complete' can make up for the first part. I've played both sides of that game. If someone won't change, they just aren't that into you. Period.

- if you think 'so and so's life is easy', well, you're probably wrong. This applies to everyone you meet in life: in some way or another, everyone is fighting a battle. Stop being bitter because their life seems to be 'easier' than yours. It's just different. All of us have battles we are hiding from the world.

- if you promise somebody something, stick to that promise. Don't lie. Don't put yourself in a position whereby you 'have' to lie. Nothing good comes of lying.

- if you can't enjoy the good things that are happening in your friends' lives, maybe that's your problem, not theirs. Revel in the positives that happen for them, because if something good is going on in your life you'd want them to revel in it with you. Don't make everything about you all the time.

- if somebody asks for your help, consider what it might have taken for them to be able to do that. Asking for help is really hard for some people. However big or small a thing it is, try and do it. You'll be a better person for it.

- if you know somebody going through a specifically tough time, ask them: 'how are you doing today?' Not, 'how are you doing', but add that 'today' in there. It acknowledges so much more about their reality.

- if you feel trapped, get out. This applies to relationships, to work, to countries, to anything. Chances are, if things have been bad for a while they're going to stay that way. Be proactive. Or quit complaining.

- if you are part of a family, eat meals together. Not on your knees in front of a TV, but at a table. Why is that such a strange and awkward expectation in today's world?

"Practice random acts of kindness, and senseless acts of beauty."