Technically, I have very little to say on the subject of Spaniels, but sure I can produce something in order that the nice-sounding title is justified.
My absence has been due to ambling down through France and Spain, finally being deposited in a remote hideaway an hour's drive from Malaga. (A ghastly city if ever there was - claims that the historic centre is 'beautiful' are made somewhat redundant, I feel, by the miniature size of this historic centre in comparison to the rest of the tower-block hell). Courtesy of a few bargains at the local Carrefour (about three hours away), I have enough food to feed a small country for a good few years, and having unpacked my clothes also have tshirts and jumpers enough to dress most of Asia. In addition to this excess, I have God knows how many TV channels (despite the endless possibilities of satellite, I'm still just watching good ol' ITV, providing me with the inevitably grim final grand prix of the season), three terraces, and a substantial (and varied) selection of my books. In other words, I don't need to leave this spot for the forseeable future: just as well, as the roads are frankly terrifying and I'm not wild about driving along them.
Oh - to drag spaniels into it, I'm living next door to eight dogs, five cats, three horses, and their lovely English owners who are also my landlords and creators of the nest in which I find myself. I find in the few emails I've sent I have resorted overwhelmingly to the term 'lovely' to describe everything, but there is no word more apt, I'm afraid. It just is.
In my limited experience of Spaniards so far, they are a fairly miserable bunch who talk with outlandish accents (very different to those of Argentines and Peruvians anyway) and have an endless capacity to loathe the English. Well, can hardly blame them for that, but I wish they'd understand I loathe most of the English too.
Being an efficient sort of soul, I've tracked down the 'local' (hour away) rowing club - after discovering that they row on the sea and have a tendency to be out and about at 9am, my thoughts ambled along different lines and I'm thinking of launching myself firmly in the sailing direction. Many happy memories of charging about in boats as a whippersnapper, and feel I should get back into that. Particularly since my brother is currently intent on building his own boat (we're talking 28ft beast here, not the next Bootle Bumtrinket). (If you haven't read/watched, 'My Family and Other Animals', you should first feel ashamed and then dash off for a copy).
Well, expect more regular postings - I know I keep promising this and never manage to maintain posts, but honestly, I've remarkably little else to do here so may as well update you all, if only on the weather forecast (sunny and bikini hot).
(There is meant to be a photo of me on here illustrating the suitably idle life I have planned for myself. If it hasn't appeared, ah well, next time).
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Ain't that just a kick in the teeth
There's a photography exhibition in Plymouth right now - 'Earth from the Air'. Absolutely captivating pictures from all around the world, plus there are endless interesting (and somewhat depressing) facts. The ones that tell you how many millions of people leave on less than a dollar a day; the number of people who are develop AIDS every hour, and how many die from it. The kind of figures that make you feel guilty for complaining about being stuck in a traffic jam on the way home in your unjustifiably expensive car. And in my case, the kind of figures that make me want to raid the local church every Sunday and yell at the hypocrites inside. (Who furthermore really annoy me by parking along both sides of my road in such a way that it is barely possible to drive along for a good few hours. Oh what selfless individuals they are, really).
Anyhow, given that I had been blasted with these figures (coupled with my present reading of 'IOU' regarding cancelling third world debt) and almost immediately after set to packing up all the stuff in my room on the offchance that the house is sold while I lie around in Spain for the winter, I was more compelled than usual to take vast quantities of stuff to carefully selected charity shops. (Anyone who gives to Oxfam: go check out where your money really goes, you'll soon stop your philanthropic gestures).
The point of my rant is this: I've just realised a whole pile of clothes that were MEANT to go in a box clearly somehow made their way into a charity shop bag. I'm fuming, as this includes a £45 pair of FatFace trousers. (Slight exaggeration - I did get them in the sale for a bargainous £12. But still). I'm now praying that the kind of people who frequent charity shops are not the kind of people who have intelligence enough to realise the quality of said unworn trousers; given that I live in Plymouth, retirement capital of the universe (various Spanish locations and most of Florida aside), chances are they should still be there. I will possibly blow a fuse if they are not.
Now I know what some of you readers are thinking: there is no sacrifice in giving just what you don't need. Personally, I think I do enough for the blasted environment and worldwide misery without having to donate a damn good pair of trousers that I do have a genuine need of. Given that I'm now going to have to replace them, so will thus just spend twice as much in a multinational corporation evil company, thereby perpetuating horrendous work conditions for people around the globe.
Yes, logic dictates they should rightly be returned to me. Cross your fingers.
Anyhow, given that I had been blasted with these figures (coupled with my present reading of 'IOU' regarding cancelling third world debt) and almost immediately after set to packing up all the stuff in my room on the offchance that the house is sold while I lie around in Spain for the winter, I was more compelled than usual to take vast quantities of stuff to carefully selected charity shops. (Anyone who gives to Oxfam: go check out where your money really goes, you'll soon stop your philanthropic gestures).
The point of my rant is this: I've just realised a whole pile of clothes that were MEANT to go in a box clearly somehow made their way into a charity shop bag. I'm fuming, as this includes a £45 pair of FatFace trousers. (Slight exaggeration - I did get them in the sale for a bargainous £12. But still). I'm now praying that the kind of people who frequent charity shops are not the kind of people who have intelligence enough to realise the quality of said unworn trousers; given that I live in Plymouth, retirement capital of the universe (various Spanish locations and most of Florida aside), chances are they should still be there. I will possibly blow a fuse if they are not.
Now I know what some of you readers are thinking: there is no sacrifice in giving just what you don't need. Personally, I think I do enough for the blasted environment and worldwide misery without having to donate a damn good pair of trousers that I do have a genuine need of. Given that I'm now going to have to replace them, so will thus just spend twice as much in a multinational corporation evil company, thereby perpetuating horrendous work conditions for people around the globe.
Yes, logic dictates they should rightly be returned to me. Cross your fingers.
Friday, September 15, 2006
The Return of Ranting Jane
Yes - I've been absent for ages. But I promise you, I will be returning in full rant-mode in the near future. Possess your souls in patience for a little longer.
(And a photo, just to prove I'm still alive).
Monday, August 07, 2006
Calling my Guardian Angel
I feel a rant within but can't quite locate the epicentre. Something is desperately wanting to escape - I think it is frustration and energy, being annoyed at myself for a multitude of sins. Maybe I should go for a bike ride tomorrow. Some depressingly large hills in the immediate vicinity that will have to be tackled, but it can't be worse than sitting practically rocking back and forth all day.
Have any of you watched English television recently? This evening there has been a typical selection, including 'Driving Mum and Dad Mad', 'Love Island' and the ubiquitous 'Big Brother'. The first on that list was particularly painful to watch - I say watch, I rather mean I had it on in the background as I ambled around the internet seeking inspiration. There is a fine line distinguishing between whether the kids or parents are more ghastly, causing me to return to the thoughts that frequently invade my troubled mind: is it really fair to have children when the world is such a bloody awful place to bring them into? There are enough kids out there going through ghastly existences; why not sort them out first rather than adding more to the problem. There's a scheme over here of fostering children - essentially looking after them for potentially years at a time, but not actually acquiring parental rights as such. Sounds almost like a noble idea, a family taking on an extra child for a few weeks a month to give somebody else a break. That is, until you realise they are being paid extortinate sums - hundreds of pounds a week - to be a Good Samaritan.
And people say my cynicism is misguided.
On another note, I've been half eaten by various bugs and flies and crawling creepies. Last week my foot took on the proportions of a large melon; today, a point on my arm is becoming increasingly prominent, itchy, and generally darn annoying. Not a person who can set something aside and leave it in peace, I intend to give it a darn good scratching. Things have to get worse before they can get better.
Have any of you watched English television recently? This evening there has been a typical selection, including 'Driving Mum and Dad Mad', 'Love Island' and the ubiquitous 'Big Brother'. The first on that list was particularly painful to watch - I say watch, I rather mean I had it on in the background as I ambled around the internet seeking inspiration. There is a fine line distinguishing between whether the kids or parents are more ghastly, causing me to return to the thoughts that frequently invade my troubled mind: is it really fair to have children when the world is such a bloody awful place to bring them into? There are enough kids out there going through ghastly existences; why not sort them out first rather than adding more to the problem. There's a scheme over here of fostering children - essentially looking after them for potentially years at a time, but not actually acquiring parental rights as such. Sounds almost like a noble idea, a family taking on an extra child for a few weeks a month to give somebody else a break. That is, until you realise they are being paid extortinate sums - hundreds of pounds a week - to be a Good Samaritan.
And people say my cynicism is misguided.
On another note, I've been half eaten by various bugs and flies and crawling creepies. Last week my foot took on the proportions of a large melon; today, a point on my arm is becoming increasingly prominent, itchy, and generally darn annoying. Not a person who can set something aside and leave it in peace, I intend to give it a darn good scratching. Things have to get worse before they can get better.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Mid-Life Crisis
I lowered myself into my deckchair this morning outside the cottage, with a supply of books to keep me going through the prime tanning time of the day. Barely had I opened the first tome when my neighbours emerged and provided me with considerable more hilarity and interest than Erich Fromm was offering.
The forty-something male appeared and headed towards the garage, from which he emerged clad entirely in leather and pushing a distressingly green motorbike. He then proceeded to do, well, something with it - involved an awful lot of revving followed by an awful lot of cursing - and eventually threw his helmet aside and stormed indoors. The long-suffering wife persuaded him to have another go at whatever it was he was doing; the final conclusion was that the bike was clearly not cooperating and as he charged off in the car, she returned inside, slamming the door, shouting about 'that bloody bike'.
Led me to wondering if the mid-life crisis is a worldwide phenonemon, or just a rite of passage experienced by the priveleged members of the first world. For one, the age of 'mid life' changes significantly in some countries, and at the risk of causing offence I suggest it is improbable that the behaviour of a male in his early twenties is barely distinguishable from crisis-mode anyway. But seriously, do all - for example - American males go through this? Suddenly have a desire to launch themselves at terrifying speeds around the country on a bike they barely know how to handle? Or do they plunge shivering into the sea, armed with nothing more than a board as protection against the elements? What does a hell's angel do at this time - buy a semi and get a job?
It seems to me that these days, a man's entire life is a crisis. If you believe Freud, they spend the first portion of their life wanting to sleep with their mother, and the rest of their life being disappointed by the woman they married who doesn't live up to the standards set by his mother. At 25, they have the realisation that despite having a job that involves them working in London (or similar ghastly collection of buildings), wearing a suit and being transported daily around the bowels of the city by train, they are unattractive to all the women in their office because the 40 year old boss earns considerably more and can thus buy their affections. By 30, they're been convinced by someone to 'settle down and have kids', trapped into weekends of painting pictures with the aid of potatoes and trying to become enthusiastic about planting cucumbers. By 40, they realise that although they now have the money to get those women in the office they'd been gagging after when they were 25, they have no energy left after playing endless games of Monopoly, and having slept in a bed with the same woman for over ten years they've realised there is a finite number of feasible sexual positions and are subsequently bored with such activities. Even if they somehow engineered a situation when they were in bed with the gorgeous blonde secretary, chances of anything functioning as effectively as it did at the age of 25 are close to zero.
Thus they try to prove they are still young enough (they don't even fool themselves, let alone the world around them - particularly the women) and buy fast motorbikes that will either scare the bejesus out of them or, as in the case of my next door neighbour, will have a fault they have no idea how to fix but will never admit it as this would result in taking said bike to some whippersnapper in a garage to repair, thereby admitting they are Old.
Which all leads us to the purpose of Men in the world. In a nutshell: to provide endless entertainment to women, and the tools to keep the world stocked up with more women to pick up the pieces when men, as ever, Get It Wrong. Bless their cotton socks, eh.
(As an aside, this is the one hundredth post you have inflicted upon yourselves as readers. Oh, happy day).
A few observations
Yes, yes, a distinct lack of blogging of late. Been feeling slightly lifeless recently, that's all. A few observations, comments, and things I've seen from the past weeks...- an eight year old girl wearing bright red lipstick and lighting a cigarette, giving me what I believe is called 'attitude' when I looked at her open mouthed.
- fluorescent green lilos should be given to everyone at birth. The world would be a happier place.
- Antal Szerb should be read in his entirety by all.
- where have the Sebastians of Oxford gone? Despite everyone thinking they are one, nobody is. They aren't even a Charles or an Antony Blanche. When did the soul become an optional extra?
- why are all men incapable of making competent decisions regarding appropriate garments for swimming?
- Facebook and Ferraris are over-rated.
- home-grown tomatoes are the way forwards in the world.
- why would anybody choose to live in a city? To be subjected to the chaos and the noise, the anger and the mad panic for survival?
- it isn't possible to make-over three rooms in sixty minutes, whatever the television tries to convince me each day.
- haircuts are too expensive. Avocadoes are over-priced. Dentists charge indecent prices. Life is rapidly becoming unaffordable.
Which leads me to my new year's ambition (a new year, starting from July. Well, why not - there is the academic year starting in September, this will be the Jane year starting in July). Specifically: win the lottery.
I will return to your screens shortly with a rant to reaffirm my existence as genuinely crabby blogger. Meanwhile - patience, grasshopper.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Bad Parenting...
One of the things that really riles me is annoying kids. The ones who stand screeching in the middle of a supermarket aisle, or sneaking sly punches onto their friend's arm, generally being loud, obnoxious and spiteful. And then you see the person in the role of parent (because these days there is no guarantee that the person playing the fatherly part is remotely related to the child, and furthermore there is no guarantee that they are aware they might not be the real father) shouting and pulling at the child, or swearing and cursing in their face. No wonder such a brat has been created.
And 'bad parenting' does not necessarily mean that sort of behaviour either. In our current world, there are brand new methods of cruelty available - and I don't use the term lightly. A story has recently been related to me, telling of a woman with two young children who left them in the care of a husband she is supposedly in the throes of divorcing, and crossed the United States to have a weekend in bed with a man she'd met on the internet. The immaturity and selfishness of the mother are highlighted by her argument that she needed a 'weekend of fun' and that somehow equated to the above, and above all her lack of care for the kids. If she loathes the man to the extent she has implied, then leaving him in charge of her two babies is surely the most irresponsible thing she could have done.
The role of parent seems to be adapting across the years. Whereas once parents were essential for bringing up a child, it now seems they shirk responsibility at every opportunity - a recent study suggested something crazy like seventy per cent of parents in the UK wanted the child's school to set a bed time. Children have increasingly, in the western world, become prizes, showcases, extensions of a separated life. Unless they play five musical instruments, can tango by the age of six, speak multiple languages - and ideally can operate the DVD player before they can walk - then they are under-achievers. (And thus are automatically assumed to be suffering from ADHD and drugged to the eyeballs).
Whatever came of the old-fashioned ideas of allowing a child to develop into who they really are? Is it just me who thinks that the parent's job is to ensure this development, while providing the safety net in the background for when the child falls in the process. My solution to the problem? Sterilise everyone at the age of 12 (I would usually say 20, but these days it seems there are too many people becoming parents at impossibly young ages) and at a sensible point in their life, possibly at 24 years of age, they take a series of tests. If they prove themselves worthy of parenthood, the sterilisation will be reversed and they are allowed to procreate. The test can be re-taken up to three times, and if still failed on the third time, then neuter them. The world will be a much happier place.
And 'bad parenting' does not necessarily mean that sort of behaviour either. In our current world, there are brand new methods of cruelty available - and I don't use the term lightly. A story has recently been related to me, telling of a woman with two young children who left them in the care of a husband she is supposedly in the throes of divorcing, and crossed the United States to have a weekend in bed with a man she'd met on the internet. The immaturity and selfishness of the mother are highlighted by her argument that she needed a 'weekend of fun' and that somehow equated to the above, and above all her lack of care for the kids. If she loathes the man to the extent she has implied, then leaving him in charge of her two babies is surely the most irresponsible thing she could have done.
The role of parent seems to be adapting across the years. Whereas once parents were essential for bringing up a child, it now seems they shirk responsibility at every opportunity - a recent study suggested something crazy like seventy per cent of parents in the UK wanted the child's school to set a bed time. Children have increasingly, in the western world, become prizes, showcases, extensions of a separated life. Unless they play five musical instruments, can tango by the age of six, speak multiple languages - and ideally can operate the DVD player before they can walk - then they are under-achievers. (And thus are automatically assumed to be suffering from ADHD and drugged to the eyeballs).
Whatever came of the old-fashioned ideas of allowing a child to develop into who they really are? Is it just me who thinks that the parent's job is to ensure this development, while providing the safety net in the background for when the child falls in the process. My solution to the problem? Sterilise everyone at the age of 12 (I would usually say 20, but these days it seems there are too many people becoming parents at impossibly young ages) and at a sensible point in their life, possibly at 24 years of age, they take a series of tests. If they prove themselves worthy of parenthood, the sterilisation will be reversed and they are allowed to procreate. The test can be re-taken up to three times, and if still failed on the third time, then neuter them. The world will be a much happier place.
Friday, June 16, 2006
On freedom and football
A few days after starting this blog of doom and gloom, I was offered a place at Oxford University. I can't believe how fast time flies - whether enjoying oneself or not - but I've finished. Dissertation handed in, books returned to libraries, champagne drunk, and a strangely deflated feeling acquired. I'm now yet another out-of-work graduate, clawing around for a reason for my existence and having considerable difficulty locating one. What with it being a whole week into the World Cup, I'm already becoming slightly fed up with that form of entertainment, and somehow sunbathing doesn't have quite the same appeal when you don't have that underlying feeling of guilt nagging at you simultaneously.
Speaking of which, I have Argentina v Serbia and Montenegro on in the background. Random aside that this must be the one occasion when Boca and River fans don't want to kill each other - united by the glorious game. Perhaps it does serve some purposes.
I went to the Careers Service this morning. Why? God alone knows. I have no desire for a career and had that confirmed for me; besides, it is ludicrous to expect somebody whose job consists of advising other people on How To Get A Life to be able to have any kind of understanding for my job-related dilemmas. (Summed up as: I don't really want one). Am mulling over the idea of asking for advice on how to become an escort, just to see their reaction.
In my slightly drunk, slightly sun-stroked state, I am therefore making a worldwide appeal, to all those single men with an extremely large inheritance to seriously consider approaching me. Please also send all openings for the post of Garden Gnome to me, I think that is definitely an option I should contemplate.
Speaking of which, I have Argentina v Serbia and Montenegro on in the background. Random aside that this must be the one occasion when Boca and River fans don't want to kill each other - united by the glorious game. Perhaps it does serve some purposes.
I went to the Careers Service this morning. Why? God alone knows. I have no desire for a career and had that confirmed for me; besides, it is ludicrous to expect somebody whose job consists of advising other people on How To Get A Life to be able to have any kind of understanding for my job-related dilemmas. (Summed up as: I don't really want one). Am mulling over the idea of asking for advice on how to become an escort, just to see their reaction.
In my slightly drunk, slightly sun-stroked state, I am therefore making a worldwide appeal, to all those single men with an extremely large inheritance to seriously consider approaching me. Please also send all openings for the post of Garden Gnome to me, I think that is definitely an option I should contemplate.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
My latest distractions
My username on MSN informs the world that I am officially 'busy until June 16th'; I have stayed in recently on many evenings I could have gone out; I've missed out on rowing in order to hurry back to my computer. In theory, I'm eagerly working away on my dissertation - in fact, by now I am supposed to have a complete rough draft ready to email to tutor. Half of it still remains to be written, however, and this is entirely due to the latest distractions I have discovered.
First of all, I stumbled across a website called YouTube - never mind the home videos people have uploaded, I'm more interested in searching for episodes of Seinfeld and Scrubs to get me through the day. When I feel that I should at least pretend to use my brain at some point, I switch across to online Sudoku (dammit, I'm determined to complete one of the 'evil' level ones). After frustrating myself completely with this, I move over to the latest rapidly developing addiction, and probably the most 'dangerous' of them all.
Online poker.
My heartfelt curses go out to a certain Swede for introducing me to this concept, and for telling me about the site which gives you - no questions asked - $10 to start you off. As someone who just about understands the rudiments of poker, I make a few completely stupid moves on occasion and then follow them up with the perfect hand and up goes my overall balance once more. The problem is that I can feel myself learning the rules as I go along and 'getting the idea', and indeed improving my playing. Which, if I'm not careful, is going to lead to me just adding A Few Pounds to my poker account from what is a very real bank balance and becoming firmly lost in that world.
Having a seriously addictive personality does have its advantages. It means that once I get started on this damn essay, I'll sit there until it is done, and done properly. Which means it'll just take me a good chunk of a day to finish - BUT, I know perfectly well that once I start I really will get firmly stuck into it. And I can't face the idea of staring at an MS Word document, checking that word count every two minutes.
Right, I'm going to read through my notes one more time, try and gather some focus - and it if hasn't happened after ten minutes then I'll give in and watch a few more Seinfeld episodes. Curses to this technological age and the uber-fast internet provided by the university. One feels obliged to make use of the awesome 100Mbps speed.
First of all, I stumbled across a website called YouTube - never mind the home videos people have uploaded, I'm more interested in searching for episodes of Seinfeld and Scrubs to get me through the day. When I feel that I should at least pretend to use my brain at some point, I switch across to online Sudoku (dammit, I'm determined to complete one of the 'evil' level ones). After frustrating myself completely with this, I move over to the latest rapidly developing addiction, and probably the most 'dangerous' of them all.
Online poker.
My heartfelt curses go out to a certain Swede for introducing me to this concept, and for telling me about the site which gives you - no questions asked - $10 to start you off. As someone who just about understands the rudiments of poker, I make a few completely stupid moves on occasion and then follow them up with the perfect hand and up goes my overall balance once more. The problem is that I can feel myself learning the rules as I go along and 'getting the idea', and indeed improving my playing. Which, if I'm not careful, is going to lead to me just adding A Few Pounds to my poker account from what is a very real bank balance and becoming firmly lost in that world.
Having a seriously addictive personality does have its advantages. It means that once I get started on this damn essay, I'll sit there until it is done, and done properly. Which means it'll just take me a good chunk of a day to finish - BUT, I know perfectly well that once I start I really will get firmly stuck into it. And I can't face the idea of staring at an MS Word document, checking that word count every two minutes.
Right, I'm going to read through my notes one more time, try and gather some focus - and it if hasn't happened after ten minutes then I'll give in and watch a few more Seinfeld episodes. Curses to this technological age and the uber-fast internet provided by the university. One feels obliged to make use of the awesome 100Mbps speed.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Supporting Schumacher
For those of you not in the know - and if that does apply, then you are in disgrace, go stand in the corner feeling ashamed - Schumacher gained pole position at the Monaco grand prix over the weekend. Hours later, after apparently much deliberation, he was moved to the back of the grid for the start of the race - in any circuit it would be virtually impossible to win from the back, but particularly at Monaco. The fact he ended in fifth place demonstrates both his abilities as a driver, and Ferrari's undisputed skill for producing formdiable cars.
Years ago, when Schumacher was starting out, there were a few dubious moves here and there and his integrity as a driver was called into question. A few sharp raps on the wrist later, however, and he is widely regarded as one of the best - if not the best - drivers of all time. You don't become world champion a record seven times for nothing, and speaking of records he has indeed smashed all of those known in the F1 world. I think it was at the Italian grand prix a few seasons ago that his personality was called into question again, when he raced the day after his mother died (and, by the bye, won). One does wonder what the hell else he was meant to do in the situation. It isn't as if the race could be moved, a replacement on a par with him located. When you consider not only the millions of pounds that would have been involved if he hadn't raced, but moreover what his mother would probably have wanted, you can't really question his motives there.
Last year, Alonso stole the crown from Schumacher. For the first time in years, Schumi actually has a genuine competitor and in all honesty, he's probably delighted. If you consider the dedication he has given to Ferrari, the skill with which every manouvere is calculated, you realise that he does not turn away from challenges.
And you also realise that he has skill enough to win without cheating. I for one am furious about the accusations thrown at his door, and the implications of the punishment that was doled out to him. Courtesy of a few terrible races at the beginning of the season (thanks to Ferrari and Bridgestone's reliability, not driver error) Schumi has some serious ground to make up on Alonso if he's to challenge for the Title again. Throwing him to the back of the grid when there was no evidence - mere speculation - is appalling behaviour by the stewards. It is purely because he is such a brilliant driver that the punishment was carried out; had he been a less experienced driver, he'd have been given the benefit of the doubt. Maybe received the standard 'drop ten places on the grid' penalty. I loathe the manner in which some people just can't stand success in others. All the 'congratulations' and 'good lucks' you receive over the years should come with the amendment: 'but don't do too well...'. Not that I'm putting any of my supposed achievements on a par with Schumacher's, but I have managed to lose multiple friends over the years and it seems the only reason is because I ended up doing things they themselves would never have the guts to do, or indeed the ability. How can you be friends with anyone when there is jealousy involved??
Dammit, this world is screwed up.
And if Schumacher doesn't get that title by a few points at the end of the season, I'm sure Alonso's win wont taste quite so sweet.
Years ago, when Schumacher was starting out, there were a few dubious moves here and there and his integrity as a driver was called into question. A few sharp raps on the wrist later, however, and he is widely regarded as one of the best - if not the best - drivers of all time. You don't become world champion a record seven times for nothing, and speaking of records he has indeed smashed all of those known in the F1 world. I think it was at the Italian grand prix a few seasons ago that his personality was called into question again, when he raced the day after his mother died (and, by the bye, won). One does wonder what the hell else he was meant to do in the situation. It isn't as if the race could be moved, a replacement on a par with him located. When you consider not only the millions of pounds that would have been involved if he hadn't raced, but moreover what his mother would probably have wanted, you can't really question his motives there.
Last year, Alonso stole the crown from Schumacher. For the first time in years, Schumi actually has a genuine competitor and in all honesty, he's probably delighted. If you consider the dedication he has given to Ferrari, the skill with which every manouvere is calculated, you realise that he does not turn away from challenges.
And you also realise that he has skill enough to win without cheating. I for one am furious about the accusations thrown at his door, and the implications of the punishment that was doled out to him. Courtesy of a few terrible races at the beginning of the season (thanks to Ferrari and Bridgestone's reliability, not driver error) Schumi has some serious ground to make up on Alonso if he's to challenge for the Title again. Throwing him to the back of the grid when there was no evidence - mere speculation - is appalling behaviour by the stewards. It is purely because he is such a brilliant driver that the punishment was carried out; had he been a less experienced driver, he'd have been given the benefit of the doubt. Maybe received the standard 'drop ten places on the grid' penalty. I loathe the manner in which some people just can't stand success in others. All the 'congratulations' and 'good lucks' you receive over the years should come with the amendment: 'but don't do too well...'. Not that I'm putting any of my supposed achievements on a par with Schumacher's, but I have managed to lose multiple friends over the years and it seems the only reason is because I ended up doing things they themselves would never have the guts to do, or indeed the ability. How can you be friends with anyone when there is jealousy involved??
Dammit, this world is screwed up.
And if Schumacher doesn't get that title by a few points at the end of the season, I'm sure Alonso's win wont taste quite so sweet.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Oxford Summer VIIIs
It is when writing this kind of post that I become horribly aware that there are people actually reading this rubbish. It can be incredibly difficult to craft a post that veils the true identity of somebody that I'm describing here - but there is always the consideration that, given most people know what I think of them anyway, should I really bother to take that much care? I have three weeks left in Oxford and no social life for the duration courtesy of dissertation duties and maybe it really doesn't matter any longer...
Which means I can mention various VIIIs experiences with ease. Like the cox who tried to kill our entire crew by smashing us enthusiastically into a wall - think my facial expressions on the following two links sum up what was going through my mind (and, chances are, simultaneously coming out of my mouth).
http://www.jetphotographic.com/showphoto.php?id=104789
and -
http://www.jetphotographic.com/showphoto.php?id=104790
But oh, what a difference a day makes. The highlight (and simultaneously, one of the lower points) of VIIIs week has to have been holding off a men's crew for some considerable time - by the simple means of two highly cunning plans: one, confuse the hell out of the crew behind and make them steer into a bank, and two, row at a frankly unfeasible rating for as long as humanly possible. Proof that we looked something like a crew can be found here:
http://www.bigblade.net/rowing/events/2006/oe06/thursday/displayimage.pl?src=divisions&im=3472&offset=1
There were the almost inevitable personality clashes over the course of the races, mostly smoothed over by the calming presence of the other coach and the odd glass of Pimms. People fell in rivers, boats were smashed, mud was enthusiastically spattered, and the concept of 'technique' became, at times, a thing of the past.
As coach of Linacre women's 2nd VIII, albeit for a brief period of time, I've been asked to give a brief speech this evening - something I'm endeavouring to wheedle myself out of. However, were I to say anything it would be along the following lines...
Bringing together this crew has been pretty tough work. I remember sitting here in the common room with Russell, thinking that all was going to be absolutely fine, the blissful bubble promptly being burst by Helen's announcement that she could possibly be pregnant. And from thereon our beautifully constructed crew line-ups gradually disintegrated into mere shadows of their former selves. Outings came and went, and I issued endless decidedly empty promises that I would find eight women eager to thrust themselves into the rowing world. Much arm-twisting and shameless begging later, we finally had our line-up. Courtesy of some serious glares from me and an inability to be impressed by anything unless shedding skin and blood had been involved, the group finally came to realise what my version of 'firm pressure' meant and gave in. With Helen's mellow and curiously mothering tones working to smooth over my frequent angry outbursts, we formed a monster of a crew - ah, those sweet voices and innocent faces are mere covers for the beasts within, a camera crew on Donnington Bridge capturing some particularly fantastic moments of sheer grr-ness. Particularly given the few outings we had to train as a set Eight, I'm excessively proud of the achievements of my crew. I say 'my crew' carefully, for one does often wonder whether one makes the blindest scrap of difference to anything going on in the boat. Congratulations to Leanne and Colleen in bow, keeping that boat rhythmic and sat - and providing endlessly entertaining contorted facial expressions; to Kim and Monika who have come on in leaps and bounds in a few short weeks to become seriously hard-core beasts; to Catherine and Miranda as our consistently mighty engine-room fighting for every stroke, and to Carrie and Ellie, our careful stern pair who have kept up a cracking rating resulting in some awesome racing. Finally to Helen and our 'lucky number ten', who has endured the hells of morning sickness and the Wrath of Jane, to stay calm and cool and keep our boat together. And thanks to everyone - special mentions to Russell and Bobby - who have listened to my rants with barely suppressed smiles and slightly raised eyebrows, kept me a version of sane, and ensured that all have lived to tell the tale. I have some awesome memories from the last few days, and I believe there are even photographs with me smiling in them to prove it. Good luck to everyone in their rowing futures, and when you're feeling as if you just can't go on: dig deep, and find that Beast Within.
Which means I can mention various VIIIs experiences with ease. Like the cox who tried to kill our entire crew by smashing us enthusiastically into a wall - think my facial expressions on the following two links sum up what was going through my mind (and, chances are, simultaneously coming out of my mouth).
http://www.jetphotographic.com/showphoto.php?id=104789
and -
http://www.jetphotographic.com/showphoto.php?id=104790
But oh, what a difference a day makes. The highlight (and simultaneously, one of the lower points) of VIIIs week has to have been holding off a men's crew for some considerable time - by the simple means of two highly cunning plans: one, confuse the hell out of the crew behind and make them steer into a bank, and two, row at a frankly unfeasible rating for as long as humanly possible. Proof that we looked something like a crew can be found here:
http://www.bigblade.net/rowing/events/2006/oe06/thursday/displayimage.pl?src=divisions&im=3472&offset=1
There were the almost inevitable personality clashes over the course of the races, mostly smoothed over by the calming presence of the other coach and the odd glass of Pimms. People fell in rivers, boats were smashed, mud was enthusiastically spattered, and the concept of 'technique' became, at times, a thing of the past.
As coach of Linacre women's 2nd VIII, albeit for a brief period of time, I've been asked to give a brief speech this evening - something I'm endeavouring to wheedle myself out of. However, were I to say anything it would be along the following lines...
Bringing together this crew has been pretty tough work. I remember sitting here in the common room with Russell, thinking that all was going to be absolutely fine, the blissful bubble promptly being burst by Helen's announcement that she could possibly be pregnant. And from thereon our beautifully constructed crew line-ups gradually disintegrated into mere shadows of their former selves. Outings came and went, and I issued endless decidedly empty promises that I would find eight women eager to thrust themselves into the rowing world. Much arm-twisting and shameless begging later, we finally had our line-up. Courtesy of some serious glares from me and an inability to be impressed by anything unless shedding skin and blood had been involved, the group finally came to realise what my version of 'firm pressure' meant and gave in. With Helen's mellow and curiously mothering tones working to smooth over my frequent angry outbursts, we formed a monster of a crew - ah, those sweet voices and innocent faces are mere covers for the beasts within, a camera crew on Donnington Bridge capturing some particularly fantastic moments of sheer grr-ness. Particularly given the few outings we had to train as a set Eight, I'm excessively proud of the achievements of my crew. I say 'my crew' carefully, for one does often wonder whether one makes the blindest scrap of difference to anything going on in the boat. Congratulations to Leanne and Colleen in bow, keeping that boat rhythmic and sat - and providing endlessly entertaining contorted facial expressions; to Kim and Monika who have come on in leaps and bounds in a few short weeks to become seriously hard-core beasts; to Catherine and Miranda as our consistently mighty engine-room fighting for every stroke, and to Carrie and Ellie, our careful stern pair who have kept up a cracking rating resulting in some awesome racing. Finally to Helen and our 'lucky number ten', who has endured the hells of morning sickness and the Wrath of Jane, to stay calm and cool and keep our boat together. And thanks to everyone - special mentions to Russell and Bobby - who have listened to my rants with barely suppressed smiles and slightly raised eyebrows, kept me a version of sane, and ensured that all have lived to tell the tale. I have some awesome memories from the last few days, and I believe there are even photographs with me smiling in them to prove it. Good luck to everyone in their rowing futures, and when you're feeling as if you just can't go on: dig deep, and find that Beast Within.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
On unveiled cruelty
As is fairly evident from the very existence of this blog, I complain about things. I can't see the point in patching things up, pretending they are wonderful, if they are fundamentally flawed. If something isn't cooked properly, what on earth is the point in eating the entire thing and only saying a few days later well, you know, it wasn't quite warm enough... If I have to queue for half an hour in a supermarket to pay for the sum total of three goods, I feel at liberty to point out the multiple errors that have led to this unnecessary delay. I've ranted about planes being late, people being self-pitying, probably somewhere I'll have mentioned in passing that the weather in this particular part of the globe isn't exactly ideal for, well, anything. Other than the umbrella industry, I suppose.
I feel compelled to make comments about the people around me; as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing wrong with sitting on a bench in a park and quietly berating all about me for a good hour. Remarking on their dress sense, their unnecessary lardiness, the manner in which they walk, the way they laugh, a particularly unfortunate haircut. Two key points: first, they never hear what I say, and second, given that I spend the majority of my existence in the same jeans and jumper, the comments are invariably to some degree describable as 'tongue in cheek'. My generalised statements about an entire group of people are just that - generalised statements, intended either for my personal amusement or to further some ridiculous argument I'll have gotten myself into.
If I've been unfortunate enough to get to know a person - in other words, I'm not making assumptions about them - then I feel justified in making remarks about said person's personality. Probably not directly to them, but rather to someone who has no connection whatsoever with that person so comments wont get back to them. If I dislike someone, I make a concerted effort to avoid them. I hate insipid remarks, fake smiles, false conversations as if I actually give a damn about their annoying life, and am fairly effective at getting the impression across to people that frankly, I just don't want to know them.
What I do NOT do is make a remark about somebody's personality that is for one, unfounded and for two, is regarding somebody I do not know. I'm not so sure why I'm so incensed by the accusation that has been laid at my door this evening - I know it came from somebody who knows the sum total of bugger all about me, and that anybody who DOES know me would never make such a remark. Am fuming.
On a totally different note, heard a completely stupid thing on the radio today: top 21 ways for a guy to make a woman fall in love with him. (On that sentence alone, I could write an entire thesis). One of these which the presenter regarded as particularly romantic was, 'kiss her in the middle of a sentence.' Excuse me? What, ignore what I'm saying and give me a smacker on the lips? Suicidal move, I'd say. 'Give her flowers for no good reason'. Men need to be told this? Still? 'Tell her how much you love her all the time, every day'. Er - no. The concept of 'broken record' springs to mind. I have my 'top 21 ways' summed up in a single remark, that is written on a mug sitting at my desk. My brother gave it to me at Christmas a few years ago, chose a particularly apt quote for me.
“Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.”
I feel compelled to make comments about the people around me; as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing wrong with sitting on a bench in a park and quietly berating all about me for a good hour. Remarking on their dress sense, their unnecessary lardiness, the manner in which they walk, the way they laugh, a particularly unfortunate haircut. Two key points: first, they never hear what I say, and second, given that I spend the majority of my existence in the same jeans and jumper, the comments are invariably to some degree describable as 'tongue in cheek'. My generalised statements about an entire group of people are just that - generalised statements, intended either for my personal amusement or to further some ridiculous argument I'll have gotten myself into.
If I've been unfortunate enough to get to know a person - in other words, I'm not making assumptions about them - then I feel justified in making remarks about said person's personality. Probably not directly to them, but rather to someone who has no connection whatsoever with that person so comments wont get back to them. If I dislike someone, I make a concerted effort to avoid them. I hate insipid remarks, fake smiles, false conversations as if I actually give a damn about their annoying life, and am fairly effective at getting the impression across to people that frankly, I just don't want to know them.
What I do NOT do is make a remark about somebody's personality that is for one, unfounded and for two, is regarding somebody I do not know. I'm not so sure why I'm so incensed by the accusation that has been laid at my door this evening - I know it came from somebody who knows the sum total of bugger all about me, and that anybody who DOES know me would never make such a remark. Am fuming.
On a totally different note, heard a completely stupid thing on the radio today: top 21 ways for a guy to make a woman fall in love with him. (On that sentence alone, I could write an entire thesis). One of these which the presenter regarded as particularly romantic was, 'kiss her in the middle of a sentence.' Excuse me? What, ignore what I'm saying and give me a smacker on the lips? Suicidal move, I'd say. 'Give her flowers for no good reason'. Men need to be told this? Still? 'Tell her how much you love her all the time, every day'. Er - no. The concept of 'broken record' springs to mind. I have my 'top 21 ways' summed up in a single remark, that is written on a mug sitting at my desk. My brother gave it to me at Christmas a few years ago, chose a particularly apt quote for me.
“Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.”
Friday, May 05, 2006
Absence makes the heart grow fonder -
or so somebody once said. My absence from blogging duties has been duly noted by enough people to force me back online. It is half past midnight and I'm alternating between checking the election results - I care that much I didn't quite get around to voting... - and making use of my latest distraction: online sudoku. Possibly the latest convert in the country to this dastardly game, I've sped through the 'easy' and 'medium' levels, am conquering 'hard' and fully intend mastering 'evil' before the weekend is out. I'm sure my tutor will regard this as a worthy pastime, and a valid excuse for distinct absence of essay on Monday morning.
It isn't that there has been a lack of rant-worthy subjects of late - goodness me, no. I just had a few weeks with no internet access, and the space between me and my blog grew... We quarrelled briefly on the subjects of Art, Style and Purpose, but Blog has finally submitted and agreed that it cannot control the contents I hurl toward it. I will therefore go out of my way to make this a particularly disjointed post, before settling back into more Rhythmic Ranting in the next couple of days.
Firstly, a brief query about the purpose of self-service checkouts. I have had the misfortune to use a few of these recently; shops seem to have installed them with the sole idea of aggravating their customers. The CONCEPT is marvellous - no talking to some cretinous dolled up check-out bird (me? stereotype? never) and discussing the weather, clubcards, and my ability to pack bags alone. I can sidle up to a machine that means I can have the fun of swiping barcodes and producing the Beep - but that Beep is all too often followed by an error message. 'Illegal Product In Bag, Please Remove', or similarly dramatic terms for a pint of milk. Buying loose fruit/veg is something of a nightmare, as one has to go through a selection process and in some instances bother to count the number of items. Does this really save time? And heaven forbid you make use of the 'cashback' option: the machine can't quite cope with that, so a human is dragged in from the depths of the Poultry Section or wherever they were, and wearily operates as a cashback machine for you, the heavy sighs implying you forced them away from something Really Interesting because you were Too Lazy to Queue Like Everybody Else.
God, I hate those blasted machines.
Second point. As readers should know, if they have studied each post carefully (I look forwards to the day somebody chooses 'rantingjane' as their specialised subject on MasterMind), I am a member of Linacre College, Oxford. As with all colleges, Linacre has their own library facility, complete with array of suitably slow computers that function as and when they choose with total disregard to deadlines. Connected to one is a scanner, and a couple of weeks ago a friend of mine had reason to use said scanner. Now, scanners are funny things - for some reason, they save the last image that was, well, scanned. I could well make a few snide comments there about the potential to catch a few people out scanning things they shouldn't, but I'm actually rather miffed right now. Someone has used that scanner to presumably copy print-outs of two of my photos that were posted on this blog months ago. Why anyone would print out and then copy said pictures is beyond me, but there you have it. I don't particularly want to imagine what said images are currently being used for... I appreciate that I loaded them onto my blog and therefore they have become available to the world At Large (or at least the part connected to the internet in general, and RantingJane in particular).
I'm working on the assumption that whoever it is responsible for this action is a reader of my blog. In which case: make note of the point that I'm fairly certain that a certain I.T. bod in college would be able to work out who was responsible for the action, were I to ask them. And I could make everything rather embarrassing for that somebody, were they tracked down. Just a thought...
On a considerably more positive note (from my view at least), Conservatives are currently up 50 Councillors, and Labour down 46. Awww... do people not trust Labour any more? None of those honest, upstanding citizens that are the remnants of the Front Bench? Shucks.
It isn't that there has been a lack of rant-worthy subjects of late - goodness me, no. I just had a few weeks with no internet access, and the space between me and my blog grew... We quarrelled briefly on the subjects of Art, Style and Purpose, but Blog has finally submitted and agreed that it cannot control the contents I hurl toward it. I will therefore go out of my way to make this a particularly disjointed post, before settling back into more Rhythmic Ranting in the next couple of days.
Firstly, a brief query about the purpose of self-service checkouts. I have had the misfortune to use a few of these recently; shops seem to have installed them with the sole idea of aggravating their customers. The CONCEPT is marvellous - no talking to some cretinous dolled up check-out bird (me? stereotype? never) and discussing the weather, clubcards, and my ability to pack bags alone. I can sidle up to a machine that means I can have the fun of swiping barcodes and producing the Beep - but that Beep is all too often followed by an error message. 'Illegal Product In Bag, Please Remove', or similarly dramatic terms for a pint of milk. Buying loose fruit/veg is something of a nightmare, as one has to go through a selection process and in some instances bother to count the number of items. Does this really save time? And heaven forbid you make use of the 'cashback' option: the machine can't quite cope with that, so a human is dragged in from the depths of the Poultry Section or wherever they were, and wearily operates as a cashback machine for you, the heavy sighs implying you forced them away from something Really Interesting because you were Too Lazy to Queue Like Everybody Else.
God, I hate those blasted machines.
Second point. As readers should know, if they have studied each post carefully (I look forwards to the day somebody chooses 'rantingjane' as their specialised subject on MasterMind), I am a member of Linacre College, Oxford. As with all colleges, Linacre has their own library facility, complete with array of suitably slow computers that function as and when they choose with total disregard to deadlines. Connected to one is a scanner, and a couple of weeks ago a friend of mine had reason to use said scanner. Now, scanners are funny things - for some reason, they save the last image that was, well, scanned. I could well make a few snide comments there about the potential to catch a few people out scanning things they shouldn't, but I'm actually rather miffed right now. Someone has used that scanner to presumably copy print-outs of two of my photos that were posted on this blog months ago. Why anyone would print out and then copy said pictures is beyond me, but there you have it. I don't particularly want to imagine what said images are currently being used for... I appreciate that I loaded them onto my blog and therefore they have become available to the world At Large (or at least the part connected to the internet in general, and RantingJane in particular).
I'm working on the assumption that whoever it is responsible for this action is a reader of my blog. In which case: make note of the point that I'm fairly certain that a certain I.T. bod in college would be able to work out who was responsible for the action, were I to ask them. And I could make everything rather embarrassing for that somebody, were they tracked down. Just a thought...
On a considerably more positive note (from my view at least), Conservatives are currently up 50 Councillors, and Labour down 46. Awww... do people not trust Labour any more? None of those honest, upstanding citizens that are the remnants of the Front Bench? Shucks.
Monday, April 03, 2006
On Procrastination
I always like to observe in a detached sort of manner how I suddenly develop an extra ten or so interests whenever a deadline looms on the horizon. And while on the subject of deadlines, I wonder why I still bother creating 'my own deadline' because it is invariably totally flexible and it is impossible for me to stay within the boundaries.
If I've a deadline approaching, the number of trips to a supermarket in a week will quadruple - 'must find the best offers, save money' - and likewise, in a rather contrary position, my visits to the pub will increase as well. I justify not setting an alarm because otherwise I'm too tired to work effectively; it surely is better to get a Good Night's Sleep, wake up refreshed, bright eyed and bushy tailed. Never quite happens like that, because I then end up missing pretty much the entire morning (I have given up recently and decided that mornings just don't exist for anything other than a slow wake up process coupled with GMTV). By the time it gets to two in the afternoon, you've wasted so much of the day that plans are already being formulated to justify setting aside that Full Day Of Work until tomorrow. At about 9pm, assuming there is nothing watchable on television (and what is defined as Watchable becomes increasingly vague as deadlines approach), and there are no plans to pop to the pub, I manage to feel a twinge of guilt and launch into work head-on. Which means I end up being awake until about 2am with a growing feeling of panic, realising how much there is to be done and Dear God, why didn't I just do it three weeks ago. Firm plans are set in place to get up the next day and get on with it, but somehow when that alarm goes at 0730 you forget the enthusiasm of the night before, throw the stupid thing to the other side of the room, and slumber until around 11am. Oops.
You can always tell when I have a deadline because my room is close to immaculate. Books are neatly ordered, clothes folded, pens in the pen pot and not a speck of dust in sight. The justification for all this stems from the general idea that I can't work in a disordered mess and therefore the room MUST be tidy. Hmm. I'll also frequent the gym considerably more than usual - even better if I can get out on the river - with the theory being that I need to release those endorphins tucked away somewhere and then gain enthusiasm out of nowhere for my work.
Although maybe that is an inaccurate description... I am enthusiastic, I am genuinely interested. (So interested I've read every single book in the library, relevant and otherwise, remotely linked to my subject - one can never do enough research, right?). I object to having to form my ideas into a ten thousand word extravaganza that will be scrutinized and analysed and subjected to the glares of superiors making derisory comments. It doesn't actually take that long when I get going, am fortunately a ludicrously fast typist and I never start writing until I know exactly what is going in that essay, its just the thought of crouching over a computer for ten hours or so that really puts me off. Suddenly, the world becomes an endlessly fascinating place that I can't bear to be away from.
And on that note, I'm going to pop by the Botanic Gardens on the way to the library. See how the plants are getting on now that Spring is, well, springing. The librarian is hunting down an article that I've convinced myself I Really Need and it is entirely because I haven't read said article that I can't start work on the essay. Think my nails also need to be clipped, my duvet changing, my teeth flossed and my room hoovered. All much more important, in the grand scheme of things, than actually settling down to work.
If I've a deadline approaching, the number of trips to a supermarket in a week will quadruple - 'must find the best offers, save money' - and likewise, in a rather contrary position, my visits to the pub will increase as well. I justify not setting an alarm because otherwise I'm too tired to work effectively; it surely is better to get a Good Night's Sleep, wake up refreshed, bright eyed and bushy tailed. Never quite happens like that, because I then end up missing pretty much the entire morning (I have given up recently and decided that mornings just don't exist for anything other than a slow wake up process coupled with GMTV). By the time it gets to two in the afternoon, you've wasted so much of the day that plans are already being formulated to justify setting aside that Full Day Of Work until tomorrow. At about 9pm, assuming there is nothing watchable on television (and what is defined as Watchable becomes increasingly vague as deadlines approach), and there are no plans to pop to the pub, I manage to feel a twinge of guilt and launch into work head-on. Which means I end up being awake until about 2am with a growing feeling of panic, realising how much there is to be done and Dear God, why didn't I just do it three weeks ago. Firm plans are set in place to get up the next day and get on with it, but somehow when that alarm goes at 0730 you forget the enthusiasm of the night before, throw the stupid thing to the other side of the room, and slumber until around 11am. Oops.
You can always tell when I have a deadline because my room is close to immaculate. Books are neatly ordered, clothes folded, pens in the pen pot and not a speck of dust in sight. The justification for all this stems from the general idea that I can't work in a disordered mess and therefore the room MUST be tidy. Hmm. I'll also frequent the gym considerably more than usual - even better if I can get out on the river - with the theory being that I need to release those endorphins tucked away somewhere and then gain enthusiasm out of nowhere for my work.
Although maybe that is an inaccurate description... I am enthusiastic, I am genuinely interested. (So interested I've read every single book in the library, relevant and otherwise, remotely linked to my subject - one can never do enough research, right?). I object to having to form my ideas into a ten thousand word extravaganza that will be scrutinized and analysed and subjected to the glares of superiors making derisory comments. It doesn't actually take that long when I get going, am fortunately a ludicrously fast typist and I never start writing until I know exactly what is going in that essay, its just the thought of crouching over a computer for ten hours or so that really puts me off. Suddenly, the world becomes an endlessly fascinating place that I can't bear to be away from.
And on that note, I'm going to pop by the Botanic Gardens on the way to the library. See how the plants are getting on now that Spring is, well, springing. The librarian is hunting down an article that I've convinced myself I Really Need and it is entirely because I haven't read said article that I can't start work on the essay. Think my nails also need to be clipped, my duvet changing, my teeth flossed and my room hoovered. All much more important, in the grand scheme of things, than actually settling down to work.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
A few positives...
It has been suggested that perhaps I set up an alternative blog to list all the positive aspects of this wonderful world of ours. I considered the possibility briefly, before realising that all said aspects can probably be incorporated into a single posting. I'll try and pinpoint a few of them and see how it develops - who knows, maybe this post will be the pathway toward becoming an optimist.
Beaches. Actually, this isn't technically true. I like the idea of beaches - I spend hours imagining a suitably tropical paradise to escape to, ideally complete with monkey and palm tree. In reality, though, sand gets right on my nerves, and I cannot bear the feel of sand between my toes. I'm much more of a 'lie on a convenient rock' sort of person, although there is of course the issue of grinding my bones on that. Hm. Maybe I don't like beaches after all.
Ice-Cream. Now, surely, I can't find fault with the likes of Mr Ben and Mr Jerry, a fantastic duo who have accompanied myself and millions of other women on those inevitable tear-filled nights. The problem is, of course, it is very easy to enter into that dangerous cycle: eat ice-cream to feel better, then realise the vast quantity of calories consumed. Therefore feel miserable, and lo and behold, head back to the freezer department. Ice-cream is really only suitable as a reward for, say, running a marathon - those poor calories need replacing ASAP. Unfortunately however, I can't say as I ever run for the bus, let alone slog away for twenty-six miles. Hm.
Family Photographs. I do enjoy a good few hour session going through photographs - the ones of you and your siblings looking really rather daft, and your parents with outrageous hairstyles. (In the case of my mother, winged glasses are a prominent feature in many snaps. Most unsettling). Being child number three, there are considerably fewer photos of me than of my brother and sister - the novelty of 'cute child in funny hat', or, 'first time waddling' photos had somewhat evaporated by the time I appeared on the scene. Which does no end of damage to one's ego, realising you are the Less Interesting and Non Innovative Number Three. Sigh.
Massages. These are lined up neatly alongside beaches, I'm thinking. Something I dream about for hours but when it comes down to it, really can't stand them. First massage experience was in Jamaica: legs riddled with mosquito bites and the damn woman insisted on rubbing in some substance that burned pretty damn painfully. Risked a second attempt in Goa a few months back: thought I was getting a bargain, about five pounds for one and a half hours of personal attention. Not only do I dislike being forced to strip and then rubbed down by some random woman, but she also came close to permanently removing my kneecaps.
Complaining (specifically, on my blog). Ach, I love it. It gives me immense please to know that on a daily basis I am offending people, being annoying, insulting and cutting, all combined with a smug, self-righteous and downright arrogant attitude. I think I've just concluded that everything I thought I liked is actually fraught with hidden mini-hells, and that the creation of a 'CheerfulJane' counterblog just wouldn't work. And on that note, I'll leave you and indulge in a few episodes of, 'Family Guy'. Stewie for President, I say.
Beaches. Actually, this isn't technically true. I like the idea of beaches - I spend hours imagining a suitably tropical paradise to escape to, ideally complete with monkey and palm tree. In reality, though, sand gets right on my nerves, and I cannot bear the feel of sand between my toes. I'm much more of a 'lie on a convenient rock' sort of person, although there is of course the issue of grinding my bones on that. Hm. Maybe I don't like beaches after all.
Ice-Cream. Now, surely, I can't find fault with the likes of Mr Ben and Mr Jerry, a fantastic duo who have accompanied myself and millions of other women on those inevitable tear-filled nights. The problem is, of course, it is very easy to enter into that dangerous cycle: eat ice-cream to feel better, then realise the vast quantity of calories consumed. Therefore feel miserable, and lo and behold, head back to the freezer department. Ice-cream is really only suitable as a reward for, say, running a marathon - those poor calories need replacing ASAP. Unfortunately however, I can't say as I ever run for the bus, let alone slog away for twenty-six miles. Hm.
Family Photographs. I do enjoy a good few hour session going through photographs - the ones of you and your siblings looking really rather daft, and your parents with outrageous hairstyles. (In the case of my mother, winged glasses are a prominent feature in many snaps. Most unsettling). Being child number three, there are considerably fewer photos of me than of my brother and sister - the novelty of 'cute child in funny hat', or, 'first time waddling' photos had somewhat evaporated by the time I appeared on the scene. Which does no end of damage to one's ego, realising you are the Less Interesting and Non Innovative Number Three. Sigh.
Massages. These are lined up neatly alongside beaches, I'm thinking. Something I dream about for hours but when it comes down to it, really can't stand them. First massage experience was in Jamaica: legs riddled with mosquito bites and the damn woman insisted on rubbing in some substance that burned pretty damn painfully. Risked a second attempt in Goa a few months back: thought I was getting a bargain, about five pounds for one and a half hours of personal attention. Not only do I dislike being forced to strip and then rubbed down by some random woman, but she also came close to permanently removing my kneecaps.
Complaining (specifically, on my blog). Ach, I love it. It gives me immense please to know that on a daily basis I am offending people, being annoying, insulting and cutting, all combined with a smug, self-righteous and downright arrogant attitude. I think I've just concluded that everything I thought I liked is actually fraught with hidden mini-hells, and that the creation of a 'CheerfulJane' counterblog just wouldn't work. And on that note, I'll leave you and indulge in a few episodes of, 'Family Guy'. Stewie for President, I say.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Bright Young Thing
Felt somewhat like a veritable Bright Young Thing yesterday. The weather co-operated with plans and thus allowed a trip to London in a Porsche with the roof down (at least part of the way - practicalities won over in the end), and the day culminated in attendance at the Apollo Theatre to see Kathleen Turner and Bill Irwin in Albee's, 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?' An excellent performance which even included interval-entertainment: the surrounding A-level English Lit. students made various 'knowledgeable' remarks about the play, bland comments and a clear misconception of the Key Points. That four people can captivate the attention of hundreds for over three hours is really rather an achievement.
'Get a teenager while they still know everything.' Those kids last night certainly thought they knew everything. I felt like turning round and yelling at them to back away from English Lit., leave it on the shelf where it should be. Shakespeare and Chaucer will not take offence if we set them aside in preference for something such as, oh I don't know, physics. Anything. Anything with a PURPOSE to it. If they aren't careful, they'll wind up writing pointless 2500 word essays for the next three years (why 2500? why?), looking for links where there are no links, tapping out iambic rhythms with a pencil and finding it genuinely exciting when a line of a poem breaks with that rhythm. And if that English Lit. student isn't damn careful, they'll wind up reading something even more pointless for a Masters - maybe even Women's Studies if they're particularly unlucky. They'll drop over ten grand on a nine month course from hell that barely makes them more employable and leads to a significant decrease in sanity.
Which all means that taking a break occasionally and launching into that illusion of being a Bright Young Thing is essential for survival. I will of course continue to make disparaging comments about people who go armed with picnic blanket and bottle of champagne to punt haphazardly up the river and all that sort of Cliched Behaviour - but, I'm going to carry on being a part of it all. If I'm going to be in debt, I may as well enjoy the process...
'Get a teenager while they still know everything.' Those kids last night certainly thought they knew everything. I felt like turning round and yelling at them to back away from English Lit., leave it on the shelf where it should be. Shakespeare and Chaucer will not take offence if we set them aside in preference for something such as, oh I don't know, physics. Anything. Anything with a PURPOSE to it. If they aren't careful, they'll wind up writing pointless 2500 word essays for the next three years (why 2500? why?), looking for links where there are no links, tapping out iambic rhythms with a pencil and finding it genuinely exciting when a line of a poem breaks with that rhythm. And if that English Lit. student isn't damn careful, they'll wind up reading something even more pointless for a Masters - maybe even Women's Studies if they're particularly unlucky. They'll drop over ten grand on a nine month course from hell that barely makes them more employable and leads to a significant decrease in sanity.
Which all means that taking a break occasionally and launching into that illusion of being a Bright Young Thing is essential for survival. I will of course continue to make disparaging comments about people who go armed with picnic blanket and bottle of champagne to punt haphazardly up the river and all that sort of Cliched Behaviour - but, I'm going to carry on being a part of it all. If I'm going to be in debt, I may as well enjoy the process...
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Ah, Vanity
I just saw something hilarious on television that I have to share with you. A woman was quite literally ironing her hair - pulling up a section from her head, towel on one side, iron on the other. To check the final effect, she glanced into the reflective iron base.
Maybe that whole scenario is 'normal' for some of you, but it has to be one of the more ludicrously daft moves in the pursuit of beauty that I've seen in quite some time. I find it generally rather insane that everyone with straight hair wants curls, and everyone with curly hair wants it straight - and to that end, they will utilise a variety of curling tongs, straighteners and God knows what else, a lethal array of instruments. Eyelash curlers look like some modern kind of thumb screw, many women - painfully, I'll add - pluck their eyebrows into almost non existence. I would say that most women in Britain spend over two hours a week applying, removing and perfecting nail polish, and that doesn't include the idle use of emery boards to achieve the preferred shape of nail.
I have one Luxury Item for my body in my entire room, and that is my recently acquired Body Butter. Wow, that stuff is fantastic. Don't generally like wandering around smelling like a fruit basket but will give in for the silky smooth feeling on my legs, mm mmm.
So the average female on a night out ends up spending a good half hour curling/straightening her hair (this assuming that emergency 'highlights' don't have to be put in place); another half hour transforming her face into a mask of heavy black curled lashes, pouting red lips, maidenly blushing cheeks and eyebrows firmly plucked into position (sometimes so much so that they actually have to be redrawn). The shortest skirt is then drawn on over waxed and lubricated legs, the tightest top squeezed into, carefully buffed feet are crammed into tight, impractical heeled hell, and standing in front of the full length mirror the female can breathe a sigh of satisfaction. Or she could do, if she weren't sucking her stomach in while busy practicing her husky voice and come-hither looks.
The fact that said female will then proceed to get blind drunk, remove shoes on the giggling walk home, mascara probably run ever so slightly after that quick weep in the bathroom with the other girls over some guy or other, and thus be transformed from 'beauty' (disputable anyway) to dishevelled mess is of course totally irrelevant. The fact that no guys will value her above the status of Tart will not deter the evening's proceedings. For a brief moment, she will have looked her terrifying version of Fabulous and that is, apparently, enough.
I may look something of a mess half the time, what with my loose jeans, inevitable black polo-neck and sensible shoes, but at least I'm a safe option. My lack of make-up means that I can't be transformed from fairy to fright overnight, and because I don't spend time ironing my hair I will probably at least be on time for any meeting I arrange.
While I'm making snide comments about other women, I want to throw this in too. Watched some of the Commonwealth Games diving this morning - the men had fantastic bodies, 'chiselled' is the word that springs to mind. Muscle bursting out of every limb. Some of the women - 'athletes' - had cellulite. I jest not. What hope is there for the rest of us if they can't avoid the doom of the dimples?? Oh dear.
Maybe that whole scenario is 'normal' for some of you, but it has to be one of the more ludicrously daft moves in the pursuit of beauty that I've seen in quite some time. I find it generally rather insane that everyone with straight hair wants curls, and everyone with curly hair wants it straight - and to that end, they will utilise a variety of curling tongs, straighteners and God knows what else, a lethal array of instruments. Eyelash curlers look like some modern kind of thumb screw, many women - painfully, I'll add - pluck their eyebrows into almost non existence. I would say that most women in Britain spend over two hours a week applying, removing and perfecting nail polish, and that doesn't include the idle use of emery boards to achieve the preferred shape of nail.
I have one Luxury Item for my body in my entire room, and that is my recently acquired Body Butter. Wow, that stuff is fantastic. Don't generally like wandering around smelling like a fruit basket but will give in for the silky smooth feeling on my legs, mm mmm.
So the average female on a night out ends up spending a good half hour curling/straightening her hair (this assuming that emergency 'highlights' don't have to be put in place); another half hour transforming her face into a mask of heavy black curled lashes, pouting red lips, maidenly blushing cheeks and eyebrows firmly plucked into position (sometimes so much so that they actually have to be redrawn). The shortest skirt is then drawn on over waxed and lubricated legs, the tightest top squeezed into, carefully buffed feet are crammed into tight, impractical heeled hell, and standing in front of the full length mirror the female can breathe a sigh of satisfaction. Or she could do, if she weren't sucking her stomach in while busy practicing her husky voice and come-hither looks.
The fact that said female will then proceed to get blind drunk, remove shoes on the giggling walk home, mascara probably run ever so slightly after that quick weep in the bathroom with the other girls over some guy or other, and thus be transformed from 'beauty' (disputable anyway) to dishevelled mess is of course totally irrelevant. The fact that no guys will value her above the status of Tart will not deter the evening's proceedings. For a brief moment, she will have looked her terrifying version of Fabulous and that is, apparently, enough.
I may look something of a mess half the time, what with my loose jeans, inevitable black polo-neck and sensible shoes, but at least I'm a safe option. My lack of make-up means that I can't be transformed from fairy to fright overnight, and because I don't spend time ironing my hair I will probably at least be on time for any meeting I arrange.
While I'm making snide comments about other women, I want to throw this in too. Watched some of the Commonwealth Games diving this morning - the men had fantastic bodies, 'chiselled' is the word that springs to mind. Muscle bursting out of every limb. Some of the women - 'athletes' - had cellulite. I jest not. What hope is there for the rest of us if they can't avoid the doom of the dimples?? Oh dear.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Furious with fake illness
It is inevitable with some of my rants that I tread on a few peoples' toes, but this one is definitely going to leave some of you fuming. Excellent.
I'm here to complain about the proliferation of mental illnesses. Let's take ADHD first - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Dear Lord, just look at those terms all clumped together... its incredible, isn't it, how many more kids have been diagnosed since this illness has been 'discovered'? It essentially boils down to bad parenting, and that is frankly the end of the matter. Kid is brat, parent can't cope any longer, parent goes to doctor, doctor says, 'oh, looks like another case of ADHD to me' and throws ritalin at the child. Ritalin is a controlled drug, which basically means parents with children taking it are given grants from the government to assist in 'care'. Additionally, if that child needs the ritalin during school hours it is a nightmare having to go to certain people to dispense it appropriately. Parents are willing to have their ghastly children dosed up to the eyeballs for a bit of peace and a few quid a week.
Next on the agenda: bi-polar disorder/manic depression. I feel qualified to speak on this subject for a number of reasons, the first being that I used to know a guy who suffered from depression and it was real, very real. I've been to the Bipolar Organisation website this morning and from what I can work out, I suffer. I mean, heck, I have mood swings like nobody's business, and strangely enough they seem to come at particularly stressful times in my life... What, you think, dear Reader, that you may have it too? Funny that, eh. I think its called 'being human'. (Read the first chapter of 'Three Men in a Boat', the narrator is disappointed to find out the only ailment he doesn't suffer from is Housemaid's Knee). Guess what - if I amble along to a psychiatrist and say sheesh, check me out, I go mental sometimes and I can't control it, he'll potentially whack me onto a load of drugs and just for kicks I'll get money from the government to support me.
Next up: 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time'. Or whatever the hell it is called. If one more person tells me that, 'as a psychologist, I found it fascinating, a very real impression of what it is like to have Asperger's Syndrome', I will actually kill them. (And thus demonstrate my bi-polar tendencies in the meantime, apparently. Bonus). The only way this book can be described is in terms that I don't wish to go into on my blog, but it is appalling, degrading, and frankly inaccurate. Asperger's, for those not in the know, is essentially low-grade Autism. Sufferers are, for example, unable to judge social situations well and have difficulty reacting to people and their feelings. Heck, it seems I have Aspergers as well. More money for the Ranter.
I wonder how much money is poured out to these 'sufferers' on an annual basis? And in addition, how much in benefits is granted to those who are obese, those who can't work because they're smoked for years and now have no lungs to speak of, those who've drunk themselves half to death and are being kept alive by an expensive concoction of surgery, drugs and rehabilitation. Just think, if all that money were taken and put aside - and heck, we have to be talking millions if not billions here - we could use it for something useful. Hell, a cure for cancer maybe. More research into Alzheimers. Illnesses that are genuine and painfully real. I am sick to death of people who complain about their 'hard life dealing with depression' when they don't know the meaning of either the word 'depression' or the concept of 'hard life'. I recommend they move their self-pitying asses into a cancer ward. Go to a radiotherapy department. Self-pity doesn't bloody come into it. For all I care, you can go take your twenty-first century mental health problem and jump because all it amounts to is you feeling that you haven't had a fair deal. Life isn't fair. Life sucks. People who have worked their entire lives for the benefit of others are informed that their retirement gift is a nice dose of cancer; babies are born horrendously deformed; a young mother can be killed in a freak accident. Let's make it topical and think about those poor sods currently fighting for their lives after helping out with a medical drug trial.
Take responsibility for yourselves and be damn glad that you can. Enough said.
I'm here to complain about the proliferation of mental illnesses. Let's take ADHD first - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Dear Lord, just look at those terms all clumped together... its incredible, isn't it, how many more kids have been diagnosed since this illness has been 'discovered'? It essentially boils down to bad parenting, and that is frankly the end of the matter. Kid is brat, parent can't cope any longer, parent goes to doctor, doctor says, 'oh, looks like another case of ADHD to me' and throws ritalin at the child. Ritalin is a controlled drug, which basically means parents with children taking it are given grants from the government to assist in 'care'. Additionally, if that child needs the ritalin during school hours it is a nightmare having to go to certain people to dispense it appropriately. Parents are willing to have their ghastly children dosed up to the eyeballs for a bit of peace and a few quid a week.
Next on the agenda: bi-polar disorder/manic depression. I feel qualified to speak on this subject for a number of reasons, the first being that I used to know a guy who suffered from depression and it was real, very real. I've been to the Bipolar Organisation website this morning and from what I can work out, I suffer. I mean, heck, I have mood swings like nobody's business, and strangely enough they seem to come at particularly stressful times in my life... What, you think, dear Reader, that you may have it too? Funny that, eh. I think its called 'being human'. (Read the first chapter of 'Three Men in a Boat', the narrator is disappointed to find out the only ailment he doesn't suffer from is Housemaid's Knee). Guess what - if I amble along to a psychiatrist and say sheesh, check me out, I go mental sometimes and I can't control it, he'll potentially whack me onto a load of drugs and just for kicks I'll get money from the government to support me.
Next up: 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time'. Or whatever the hell it is called. If one more person tells me that, 'as a psychologist, I found it fascinating, a very real impression of what it is like to have Asperger's Syndrome', I will actually kill them. (And thus demonstrate my bi-polar tendencies in the meantime, apparently. Bonus). The only way this book can be described is in terms that I don't wish to go into on my blog, but it is appalling, degrading, and frankly inaccurate. Asperger's, for those not in the know, is essentially low-grade Autism. Sufferers are, for example, unable to judge social situations well and have difficulty reacting to people and their feelings. Heck, it seems I have Aspergers as well. More money for the Ranter.
I wonder how much money is poured out to these 'sufferers' on an annual basis? And in addition, how much in benefits is granted to those who are obese, those who can't work because they're smoked for years and now have no lungs to speak of, those who've drunk themselves half to death and are being kept alive by an expensive concoction of surgery, drugs and rehabilitation. Just think, if all that money were taken and put aside - and heck, we have to be talking millions if not billions here - we could use it for something useful. Hell, a cure for cancer maybe. More research into Alzheimers. Illnesses that are genuine and painfully real. I am sick to death of people who complain about their 'hard life dealing with depression' when they don't know the meaning of either the word 'depression' or the concept of 'hard life'. I recommend they move their self-pitying asses into a cancer ward. Go to a radiotherapy department. Self-pity doesn't bloody come into it. For all I care, you can go take your twenty-first century mental health problem and jump because all it amounts to is you feeling that you haven't had a fair deal. Life isn't fair. Life sucks. People who have worked their entire lives for the benefit of others are informed that their retirement gift is a nice dose of cancer; babies are born horrendously deformed; a young mother can be killed in a freak accident. Let's make it topical and think about those poor sods currently fighting for their lives after helping out with a medical drug trial.
Take responsibility for yourselves and be damn glad that you can. Enough said.
Friday, March 17, 2006
On Being Decidedly Fed Up
Well, this is my blog and I can put what I like on it. You don't have to read it.
You aren't obliged to read about how I currently hate pay-as-you-go phones almost as much as I hate contract phones, in that I've been trying to top up the stupid thing by their fancy automatic method for the past twentyfour hours and the damn service is 'currently unavailable'. I thought technology was meant to make my life easier, not raise my blood pressure through the roof.
Neither do you have to read about my inevitable work struggles, that backlog created through a subtle combination of initial idleness and eventual illness. I say idle, I don't see what is wrong with having a few days off here and there - how was I supposed to know stomach bug from hell would strike and force me to lie quivering in my bed for days, the lack of food and water leading to a brain that functions only to say, 'stomach hurts, don't eat, I'm no longer interested in Ovid and his relation to eighteenth century women poets'.
I guess you don't have to know that I'm back in the throes of one of my, dear God, what am I going to do when I graduate, depressive states. What is the point in it all? You either do something remotely worthwhile in which case you get paid either nothing or as close to nothing as government rules allow, or you sell your soul and work for some giant corporation that is hardly necessary to the continuation of health, humanity or the globe in general but has managed to convince a good portion of the world's population that its continued existence is essential. What was the argument I was having yesterday? Oh yes, the EU. Isn't it such a marvellous creation - thanks to the EU, I could go work in France or Germany with no problems at all. Brilliant. The fact that a few hundred years ago I could go work and travel wherever I bloody well wanted and didn't need the nod of some huge umbrella organisation to do so is of course irrelevant. The EU is merely functioning to bring the world back to what it used to be - but being part of this globalised hell in which we all have to live, it'll never work. Not fully.
Here's the issue. I CAN'T work for any of those organisations - the ones that actually pay remotely decent wages - even if I wanted to. Not only because I have acknowledged all the lies and its ultimately fake construction, but because of the environment. I can't get up at 6am every day and squeeze myself into the confines of a suit, ram myself into a packed tube train and get hurtled across London via the odd bomb or two into a nice and modern chrome-with-glass office. To sit around and push paper and pretend it means anything to anyone. To have to work myself half to death because that is what other idiots are prepared to do and why the hell should they get promoted if I'm not. It would kill me doing all that. Or if not me, any element of me that feels remotely alive.
Yes, today is just going to be one of those days. Marvellous.
You aren't obliged to read about how I currently hate pay-as-you-go phones almost as much as I hate contract phones, in that I've been trying to top up the stupid thing by their fancy automatic method for the past twentyfour hours and the damn service is 'currently unavailable'. I thought technology was meant to make my life easier, not raise my blood pressure through the roof.
Neither do you have to read about my inevitable work struggles, that backlog created through a subtle combination of initial idleness and eventual illness. I say idle, I don't see what is wrong with having a few days off here and there - how was I supposed to know stomach bug from hell would strike and force me to lie quivering in my bed for days, the lack of food and water leading to a brain that functions only to say, 'stomach hurts, don't eat, I'm no longer interested in Ovid and his relation to eighteenth century women poets'.
I guess you don't have to know that I'm back in the throes of one of my, dear God, what am I going to do when I graduate, depressive states. What is the point in it all? You either do something remotely worthwhile in which case you get paid either nothing or as close to nothing as government rules allow, or you sell your soul and work for some giant corporation that is hardly necessary to the continuation of health, humanity or the globe in general but has managed to convince a good portion of the world's population that its continued existence is essential. What was the argument I was having yesterday? Oh yes, the EU. Isn't it such a marvellous creation - thanks to the EU, I could go work in France or Germany with no problems at all. Brilliant. The fact that a few hundred years ago I could go work and travel wherever I bloody well wanted and didn't need the nod of some huge umbrella organisation to do so is of course irrelevant. The EU is merely functioning to bring the world back to what it used to be - but being part of this globalised hell in which we all have to live, it'll never work. Not fully.
Here's the issue. I CAN'T work for any of those organisations - the ones that actually pay remotely decent wages - even if I wanted to. Not only because I have acknowledged all the lies and its ultimately fake construction, but because of the environment. I can't get up at 6am every day and squeeze myself into the confines of a suit, ram myself into a packed tube train and get hurtled across London via the odd bomb or two into a nice and modern chrome-with-glass office. To sit around and push paper and pretend it means anything to anyone. To have to work myself half to death because that is what other idiots are prepared to do and why the hell should they get promoted if I'm not. It would kill me doing all that. Or if not me, any element of me that feels remotely alive.
Yes, today is just going to be one of those days. Marvellous.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
On dreaming of a foreign land
Once more, I regret to inform those readers tuned in for a good old-fashioned Jane-style uber-rant that they will be disappointed. I am in a prodigiously fine mood and can't see it changing in the course of creating this post.
A few years ago, I spent three weeks wandering around Italy armed with a backpack and a distressingly short and annoying school companion. I'm not entirely sure what she was doing there, how she came to accompany me, but I do know that ever since this hellish experience I refused to ever travel with anyone again. I was suddenly responsible not only for myself but for an apparently wholly incompetent defenceless little girl, who accepted the advances of amorous elderly Italians with open arms. My sojourn in beautiful Italy suddenly combined the intended role of impressionable young tourist with those of protector, translator and picker-up-of-pieces. One heavenly day I finally had a break when I escaped to the island of Capri. I sat in the bow of a wooden rowing boat, armed with an Australian, a large quantity of grapes and a carafe of wine, and was rowed slowly and steadily towards the Grotta Azzurra. You enter the grotto from the sea via a low archway, that leads you into what is frankly the most beautiful place I have ever encountered to date. Our boatman was a particularly good sport, as he rowed us to the shadows towards the back of the grotto and - when there was a gap in the influx of other tourists - signalled for us to dive in. Everything turns to silver as soon as it touches the water, and there was I, fully-clothed, in paradise.
There is a point to my sauntering down memory lane. I've been fixated on the idea of returning ever since, and finally could have an opportunity on my birthday this year. Hopefully this time I'll get to actually stay on the island, a few days of escapism in the middle of dissertation production. If anybody has any great ideas on how I can actually live there for eternity, please inform me in the immediate future. I'll be sure to make it worth your while...
A few years ago, I spent three weeks wandering around Italy armed with a backpack and a distressingly short and annoying school companion. I'm not entirely sure what she was doing there, how she came to accompany me, but I do know that ever since this hellish experience I refused to ever travel with anyone again. I was suddenly responsible not only for myself but for an apparently wholly incompetent defenceless little girl, who accepted the advances of amorous elderly Italians with open arms. My sojourn in beautiful Italy suddenly combined the intended role of impressionable young tourist with those of protector, translator and picker-up-of-pieces. One heavenly day I finally had a break when I escaped to the island of Capri. I sat in the bow of a wooden rowing boat, armed with an Australian, a large quantity of grapes and a carafe of wine, and was rowed slowly and steadily towards the Grotta Azzurra. You enter the grotto from the sea via a low archway, that leads you into what is frankly the most beautiful place I have ever encountered to date. Our boatman was a particularly good sport, as he rowed us to the shadows towards the back of the grotto and - when there was a gap in the influx of other tourists - signalled for us to dive in. Everything turns to silver as soon as it touches the water, and there was I, fully-clothed, in paradise.
There is a point to my sauntering down memory lane. I've been fixated on the idea of returning ever since, and finally could have an opportunity on my birthday this year. Hopefully this time I'll get to actually stay on the island, a few days of escapism in the middle of dissertation production. If anybody has any great ideas on how I can actually live there for eternity, please inform me in the immediate future. I'll be sure to make it worth your while...
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