Guys, I'll tell you how you get placed there. Three ways.
1) You know the theory that if you're kind and understanding and always available with a shoulder to cry on, that eventually a woman will realise you are just so darn sweet she needs you in her life? Oh so wrong. Chicks want all that – but preferably in a package that suggests excellent and regular ravishing. We might not be so keen on the genuine 'bad boy', but a hint of subdued 'badness' is always welcome. Why on earth do you think that ridiculous creation, 'Fifty Shades of Gray', has taken the world by storm? All those readers are probably dating or married to Beige Boy, a bland creation who believes a candlelit dinner with a violin scratching away in the background is ideal for 'getting her in the mood'.
2) If the chick has any morals whatsoever, you'll be automatically Friend Zoned if she meets you when you're married or in a serious relationship. You will be mentally designated a 'no go area'. It's well nigh impossible to ever leave the Zone if she is friends with your wife or girlfriend: she'll know every detail about you. Everything. Women are vicious and have no qualms at all about discussing the most intimate details – particularly when a relationship is heading towards the rocks and they're trying to justify the Drop Off point.
3) The final method is the biggie, because it is entirely self-created and self-perpetuating. Girls know it is hard for a guy to make a move: it requires a modicum of courage and more than a touch of self-belief, and that's partly why we leave it up to you. There is also that thing of chicks being automatically branded a Tart if they so much as hint at making the first move. In a nutshell, we expect you to put in the effort. We are more than happy to provide you with ample opportunities and drop hints here and there, but remember: hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. We'll regard it as 'scorning' if, after all our efforts, you still don't make a move – and promptly throw you for all eternity into the Friend Zone.
It seems to me that in the initial stages of a relationship, the girl holds all the cards. She has something the guy is after – something the guy probably doesn't get anywhere near as much he likes to convince his buddies he does – and has total control over where and when that is made available. Unfortunately, after a certain point (could be weeks or months or years), the guy has something she wants: the offer to look after her forever; the chance of a family; security and dependability. And there we have it, the guy now has control. Bham.
Only when guys are ready to play that role will they do so, and there's not a damn thing any woman can do to make them change their minds. All these people who speak of 'the one that got away': if you're a chick, the guy would have run no matter what you did so stop beating yourself up. And if you're a guy, chances are you are entirely responsible for ending that by determinedly staying in your Child Zone and not migrating to Adult Territory.
On another note, and something I'll perhaps delve into with slightly more determination on another occasion than this particular posting, I actually think it is possible for any guy to get any girl – he must just play his cards right. But for any girl to get any guy? No, it doesn't work both ways. Hm. I'll think about that one.
*This blog posting was brought to you by the letters A and M: Appalling grammar, Minimal editing, Morning not-really-awake-yet-ness.
- “It's easier to say you've been friend-zoned than admitting you're too shy to take the initiative.”
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